A guy walks past a mental hospital and hears a moaning voice "... 13 ... 13 ... ...

Mon, 21 May 2012 00:59:13 +0000

A guy walks past a mental hospital and hears a moaning voice "... 13 ... 13 ... 13 ..."

The man looked over to the hospital and saw a hole in the wall, he looked through the hole and gets poked in the eye. The moaning voice then groaned "... 14 ... 14 ... 14 ..."

Little Johnny was in church with his mom for Sunday Mass when he felt a sudden ...

Sun, 20 May 2012 20:59:13 +0000

Little Johnny was in church with his mom for Sunday Mass when he felt a sudden barf attack impending. "Mom, I think I'm going to throw up!" She told him, "I want you to run outside as fast as you can. Run across the lawn and go behind the bushes. You can throw up behind the bushes and nobody will see you." So Little Johnny hauled ass for the door. Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his mom. He had the look of obvious relief on his young face. "Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny?"

"I didn't have to go that far, mom. Just as I got to the front door, I found a box that had a sign on it: FOR THE SICK."

Yo momma is so ugly, she makes blind children cry.

Sun, 20 May 2012 16:59:13 +0000

Yo momma is so ugly, she makes blind children cry.

There's a Mexican at a tomato stand. All he knows is how to say: "Only five ...

Sun, 20 May 2012 12:59:13 +0000

There's a Mexican at a tomato stand. All he knows is how to say: "Only five cents", "Yes, very very fresh" and "Not today, maybe tomorrow." A woman walks up to him.

"How much are the tomatoes?"
"Only five cents."
"Are they fresh?"
"Yes, very very fresh."
"Could I buy some?"
"Not today, maybe tomorrow."

So the woman leaves and a robber walks up.

"How much money you got?" he demands.
"Only five cents."
"You gettin' fresh with me, boy?"
"Yes, very very fresh."
"I'm gonna shoot you."
"Not today, maybe tomorrow."

A Chinese man rings his boss and says: Me sick I cann`t come to work. ...

Sun, 20 May 2012 08:59:13 +0000

A Chinese man rings his boss and says: Me sick I cann`t come to work.

The Boss says: "when I am sick, I fuck my wife ... try that?"

Two hours later the Chinese man rings back and says: "Me better now you got a nice house!"

A customer at a supermarket asked Ranjeet, the shelf packer if he could buy half ...

Sun, 20 May 2012 04:59:13 +0000

A customer at a supermarket asked Ranjeet, the shelf packer if he could buy half a cucumber.

Ranjeet, went to his boss and told him: "There is an idiot who wants 1/2 a cucumber".

Unfortunately the customer had followed him and was standing right behind him. When Ranjeet realised this, he quickly added "Oh and this gentleman wants the other 1/2".

Later the boss said he was very impressed by his fast thinking and asked him where he came from.

"I come from Chatsworth" Ranjeet replied and quickly added "Nothing much comes from there except musicians and prostitutes."

To which the boss said: "Oh really? My wife comes from Chatsworth".

The quick response from Ranjeet was: "Is that so? What instrument does she play?"

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to ...

Sun, 20 May 2012 00:59:13 +0000

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

Son: "I can't go to school today." ...

Sat, 19 May 2012 20:59:13 +0000

Son: "I can't go to school today."

Father: "Why not?"

Son: "I don't feel well."

Teacher: "Where don't you feel well?"

Son: "In school!"

Three Pastors were having lunch together at a diner. ...

Sat, 19 May 2012 16:59:13 +0000

Three Pastors were having lunch together at a diner.

The first Pastor said: "Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble with mice in my church. I've tried everything. Noise, spray, cats. Nothing seems to scare them away."

The second Pastor then said: "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in the basement of the church. I've set traps and even called an expert to get rid of them, yet they still won't go away."

With a grin on his face, the third Pastor said: "I had the same problem so I baptized all mine and made them members of the church ... Haven't seen one back since!"

Unix *is* user friendly. It's just selective about who its friends are.

Sat, 19 May 2012 12:59:13 +0000

Unix *is* user friendly. It's just selective about who its friends are.